Indian for lunch

Networking class at TRR today. Made me feel even more useless. I don't have a network. At least not here in Sweden. Working for BingoLotto for more than 6 years didn't give me any contacts at all since everything was done in-house. After only 13 months at WITRE I got a bunch of contacts, mostly French though so they aren't worth that much right now.

Had lunch at Mother India around the corner from TRR. Totally OK for being a lunch special. I've heard a lot of raving reviews about the food though, but that's probably when you order from the menu during the evenings. Oh well, since we don't have that many Indian restaurants in town, you have to take what you can. Make me long for a real Indian curry in London. Those guys know how to do it.

Came in second for the job at Nobel Biocare, which made me very upset and disappointed. When will it be my turn? When I'm 64?! I've been out of work for three months now and I hate every minute of it. I know I'm good at what I do. And there is nothing wrong with my experience. I guess the problem is that E-business and Internet marketing aren't that big in Sweden yet. I just have to wait and see or give up and go abroad.

I was still at TRR when I found out so I couldn't do anything than just smile and say goodbye, but I felt so numbed. Went and bought some candy and pistachio buns to neutralize the pain, but it didn't work. Food has never done that to me. I should know that by now...

I cried my eyes out when got home, which felt very good, but still... Why, why can't I get a job?! What's wrong with me? I also feel ashamed. A ashamed for not having landed a job in three months. I'm ashamed for being one of many (way too many here in Sweden) that don't do anything during the days. I hate to tell people that I'm unemployed. I just feel like such a loser.