Scale jumping

I’ve been scale jumping for the last week or so. It looks like I’m down 3-4 pounds from last month. Do I see or feel a change? Not really and I’m not even sure it makes me feel better about myself. I do feel great about myself right now, but I don’t think it’s because I lost a couple of pounds (again). Still after four years, I’m mostly surprised how a couple of numbers on a scale can have that effect on me. I wonder if I ever will be able to live without thinking about what I eat and how much I weigh. Will it ever be time when I won’t worry? I don’t worry constantly, but somehow the fright of becoming big again is always lurking back in my head. Honestly I don’t think it ever will go away. Maybe for periods of time, but not totally. I guess, it’s just a part of me and who I am. My life and my history. We all have different kind of luggage. Mine just happen to be weight and food.