Too much of everything

Too much wine. Too much chocolate. I just realised that I’m being destructive. Seems like if I don’t go to the gym I act like I’m free to do what ever I like to when it comes to eating and drinking. A good way to dampen all those feelings and thoughts that keep buzzing around in my mind. Today I had lunch with one of my favourite colleagues at work. Telling him what the heck is going on made me feel quite good. For a while at least. But just before leaving work one our consultants called and the race was on again. Asking if I was strong enough to hold off against my boss. My answer was that I’m probably already a nuance, so another thing won’t matter. The Iron Lady is becoming quite difficult. Do I want to be difficult? Not, really. It’s just that I don’t know when to keep quiet. Why do I have to be so darn opinionated? Why can’t I just shut up like everybody else? I know my colleague is supporting me and some other people as well, but I can’t help wondering how long I will be able to go on like this. I just want someone to tell me that I’m good. That what I’m doing is OK. Is that too much to ask for?