Bygones

Ever since my little crash and burn at Christmas time I've tried to look forward and change things that can be changed. But most of all I've decided to let bygones be bygones. There is no need to dwell on why things some things happened and why some didn't.

Until today when our old department had a meeting with HR to finally discuss what actually happened. Just starting to think of all those things that went on got me tensing up and soon I could feel my heat beating and I felt all shaky. Indistinctly I just wanted to get up and leave, but I stayed on and the whole group had a rather good discussion. A couple of times when talking I realised that I was biased and too emotional involved and somehow I managed to put those feelings away. Something that I could never had done earlier, but at some occasions I was very close to tears. It was all too much. But hearing what the other had to say made me understand that it hadn't just been me. I can't help wondering though, why people never said anything, more than just the ordinary moaning and groaning about work.

Sitting here now, I understand that it was good we had this meeting. Things needed to be put to rest the right way, but I feel totally drained. And when I feel emotionally drained I need comfort and comfort is food. Glorious food that is always there to help and support me. Food that never gives up on me or tells me I'm not good enough. Food.